The Sermon - Act III

Let's focus more inward shall we
overcoming sleep and fatigue
phantoms and spectral bases
forcing me to believe what is not real
these being that I am fine
and normal
and ready to be alive
and deserving of such
Oh how can the mind love
if it is consumed in confusion
my sanity net has been cut and torn into pieces
the threads wound together into balls
and being used to make flags and dresses for the spoiled
fucking me over in ways I couldn't even do to myself
the blues of the new sun have started to fade to gray
and I can to nothing but pray, prey, and play
but only when these images go away
will I be able to force myself asleep
you forced me to create
then tell me it's not true
well, neither am I
and neither are you
So with this love that has consumed me
it has been the blade that cuts the strings of my net
and you are the seamstress sewing it into a useless fashion
but what of me
I feel like I'm sinking with what was once my heart in my hands
as it slowly dries out, it crumbles into dust
it is at this point I know what must be done
I slowly grab the remainding strings of my net
I force it around your neck
It all seems exciting as the extremities of my demise flail about
but I know it's for the best
I her you scream with delight
and choke on your laughter
I know you're enjoying this as much as I am
I know you understand, you always did
you slap at my hands
but I can't hug you yet, we're not done
my mind is racing as I feel you start to sleep
you must be exhausted from all the fun we're having
I check to make sure you aren't awake
as I slowly set you down on the balcony
you are too beautiful to hide inside
I stand you up for the world to see
but your hair gets in the way
the world cannot see your face
I run inside and get you twin blades
I cut of the hair and put it in my pocket
I stand you up again
your face is radiating in a dull way
but you are so clumsy and you fall
I didn't know you could fly
I jump up and down, giggling
we should do this more often
I am so jovial as I run back home to join you
this is so fun
I make it home and the gray has spread unto the walls
the screams have stopped for the time being
I fashion the hair into a necktie
it seems fitting
you always said I looked good in a suit
but it's too loose
I loop the tie onto the hook that once hung the plants
why did you let those die?
they were pretty
they were the only things that stayed green
when everything else was gray
but soft, the chair under me slips under my clumsy feet
I guess we are both clumsy
we have so much in common
I can't wait to meet you
where everything is blue again
where the cold is comes when we wants to be close
and the heat is ever present
I feel the same happiness you felt
I feel lightheaded with ecstasy
I let out a mussitation and slowly let the gray finally fade to blacks
I see the light, no, two lights
one is white and another is filled with reds and oranges
I've heard which one is heaven
but white is so boring
I walk to the orange one as the heat builds up
I love the heat
the white light turns to blue
I maintain present path as the heat intensifies
I finally make it to a door
it open and I am greeted with flame
I know now I have made a mistake
but oh well, I love the heat
I can't wait to see you here
I leap into the flames as I look back at the blue light
I see you standing there, pointing
and with a grimacing smile,
I feel regret and sadness
for the first time I feel
This is where I'll burn...

The Sermon - Act II

So maybe I realize
my minds weakness,
in an abstract form at least,
are more about and aware of themselves
than I am of the beast
If only things had been different
made a left instead of a right
picked to fold instead of fight
I should have stayed
instead I left right away
I know now that the safety net of sanity
becomes to entangled when entwined
within the arms of another companion
it binds itself and makes knots and nots
until finally it snaps and all you are left with
is a web of unidentifiable strings,
incomprehensible knots
and as it falls down into the dirt
the whites that made it so pure
become brown and blacks
leaving the mind nothing to fall back on
when all things belonging to the norm
become bastardized and unreal
This will be my end...

Newer faces and brighter lights
blind me with unknown fear
of what is at the end of the light
I try to walk to towards it
but soon realize I am still,
at least in the physical sense, alive
but to what extent is the inquiry of my world
welcome to my world
I wake only to find my bed soaked
in sweat and urine, and nightmares
from the night before
I rush to move from the cold
yet I am immobile
or do I not want to move
maybe I am not trying hard enough
or trying to hard
I let myself lie in the dampness
that I called home for the night
I seem to care only when
it is not meaningless
when noone cares
and when it is goshe to do so
but I don't care about that
this is how I know I am awake
In my dreams I am valiant and courageous
and yet they all end with me falling
I wake just before the impact
and then I am a coward,
the faggot of the economy,
a beast of religion,
I think it's safe to say no one likes me
but who can blame them
I don't like me
if you could see
what I believe
how I am unclean
what I have seen
would you like me
you wouldn't let me be
They say I dress erratically
I wear what I have
they say I need help
they never offer to so
they say I scream at people
they mention not how they torture me
but I cannot say this to anybody
I can not publicly speak ill of my neighbors
This will be my end...

So one day,
in the midst of my normal sadness
figures in white flew around me
laughing, giggling, having a great time
but I was not involved
they held me down
tied down my extremities,
in an uncomfortable fashion,
as if to hopefully persuade them to finally fall off,
they have mentioned so before
they have been planning a mutiny against my mind
for control of course
and in a flash I am before a man in black
wooden hammer in hand
They say they appoint lawyers for criminals
I had not the good fortune to be a criminal
I orated to them my most moving off orations,
argued my best arguments,
explained my best explanations
and ended up here
I most have gone wrong somewhere
This will be my end...

The walls here are made of clouds
they feel nice
I like it here
I can scream and sing at the top of my lungs
and the thank me for doing so
they get me high every time I sing
I sing a lot
they say they will let me out soon
I would hope not
the world outside these huggable walls
are not ready for somebody
with a mastery of their mind
they say I crushed
under the weight of my own genius
like Hemingway they say
what an honor to be compared to that old coot
I sleep, peacefully, no dreams
no falling, no impact, no sweat,
just rest
for days and days it seems
until one day a man in a nice gray suit
comes in and shines a light in my eyes
he says I am fine
they let me out the next day
I am scared with a case full of my memories
and my sanity net wrapped around my neck
like a tribute to the bedlam
I go the only place I know where to go
hell
This will be my end...

The Sermon - Act I

The smuggled, to select his status,
sees himself as saying no one does
Memories do not serve him well
So he makes them all
from stepping stones and soon sand brigades
For these words have been marked down
In certain holy pages and many books
Whereas they might denounce my own words
Clear as day, I follow
but soon I fall
And, snatched away, I am condemned
to move near the sun,
in a place without shadows.
It burns me so as the ground begins to shake
the blues, yellows, and oranges change
to form shapes and figures
that are ugly but perfect
loud but soft
frightening yet soothing
in ways shown only by the divine
and only in times of great despair
and yet I am the exception
I've never seen it until now
oh how the memories seem to forget about me
although I can never forget them.
soon the passages would be blocked by rivers of sand,
walls of dirt, and gallows of filth
And soon when all the unclean become clean
and are one with the word
I would be cast out as different
and for that I will return to the sun.
This is why I'll burn...

So as of late, the wind has been cautorizing,
burning my pores
making me pant
eyes becoming bloodshot and heavy
"But I can't sleep", I say with a grin
as I finally drift into the other worlds
made of other sins
"Repent, you bastard!", I sigh
contradicting myself into falsehoods
layers of rain finally cool me off
as if I were being cast into black snow
from which only the cleanest of beings emerge
"May I taste it?", I ask
I hear something say no
not a voice
just a thought in the purest fashion
I stumble, but only on my words
for I have no heart
just a big box of cliches...
You sigh as if trying to make today worthless
the question of whether or not you succeed,
it will be the death of me
but I fear it not for I have seen the end
it is beautiful
full of lovely colors, pleasant smells, and familiar memories
I weep, smiling, finally showing how I feel
oh how the years have been wasted
holding these in as if they were infectious
or contagious diseases...
oh how the years have been wasted
keeping my words to my heart
and meanings to the soul
never to share with the united
or let others behold
"Behold!", I finally said, holding out my arms
hoping for embrace
I just want to be loved
I slowly curl my fingers
as if to grasp at something
but find nothing but the inside of my fist
I weep, this time, the mood is more meloncholic
and dreary.
Soon the light will be gone all
and hope will be restored
with the absence of this handicap
the darkness seems like home
before it was bright to see
now it is too dark to care
but I care
Nobody else cares enough
This is why I'll burn...

The temptation to just forget everything
is overwhelming
the fact that nothing would go wrong afterward
is what should scare me
but it does not
the snow, suddenly, begins to fall
as cold as I remember it
it is not
I catch some on my tongue
it taste of fire
I only then realize
it is not snow, but rather ash
I finally open my eyes
and realize I'm descending
from one sun
to another
I can only fathom the change in the environment
from the slow disappearance
of oranges and reds
I can only see blues
and then slow rolling blackness
I am enjoying this
it is inviting and warm
but not pressuring or uncomfortable
Although I feel guilty
letting myself become encompassed
by the feeling of selfishness and greed
loving the feeling of getting everything for myself
and also not caring for others,
I scrape as many crumbs of joy out of it
I let out a grimacing smile
This is why I'll burn...

Alwayswhisperalway

So, as of late, I've been listening to a lot of these guys and this guy.

Ey luv eet.

But for some reason, I can't seem to play the songs that well...singing them is not a problem...but whatevs.

More important news: Lent started Wednesday. It will go from Wednesday until April 4th. Lent is a time that symbolizes the period of 46 days that Christ went into the woods and was tempted by Satan. During Lent, one should forfeit something that that enjoy or use most often (that they can go without without disrupting everyday life; i.e. sex, drugs, meat, murder).

I have chosen to forfeit alcohol and cigarettes. And boy, this sucks. Spring Break and St. Patrick's Day fall within Lent...so there's that.

It's not that I am overly addicted to either, but not having the option to enjoy them only makes me want them more. I don't think I've ever wanted a cigarette this bad.

I can do this. I have to do this.

Or God will hate me or something.

This has nothing to do with this post; I just thought it was really funny.

Buddy Taylor

No funnies. No jokes.

Buddy Taylor, a good friend of mine, has recently passed away. I used to get high with this guy. Party with this guy. Also, the occasional car wreck. We were great friends.

It's really hard to believe he is actually gone.

I really don't have one bad memory of him, except that we called him "Captain Pee Pants" because he pissed his pants every time he got drunk. Haha. But I loved the guy. He was my brother and I will miss him dearly.

He died of alcohol poisoning.

People please, I know it's college and we are here to have fun, as well as learn something new, but let's not go overboard. Buddy is a prime example of how precious life is and how easily it can be ended. Please, drink responsibly.

I would like for you all to pray for him and his family.

He deserves it.

Goodnight, Buddy, Wherever you are.

Got my combats on but they look like jungles...

This will be a short post. I just want you to know how frustrated I am...

So...a good friend of mine has a friend who is in a band...Now. If you know me, I love music (A lot). I can play a little too (I'm okay).

This band needed somebody to play bass, which I can totally do. Also, they have a European tour coming up later this year.

BUT...because I am in the military for another 3 years, I can't be gone for long periods of time until my contract is up.

I had to say no.

Saddest moment of my life.


I am too depressed to even link my words to funny images.

Brain Farts

Have you good people ever been asked a question that you knew the answer to, but couldn't remember it?

Like if I asked you who is the voice of Mufasa?

(James Earl Jones, btw)

Not only do you know the answer, but you know he's the same guy from Star Wars and countless other movies, but you can't remember his name...Why?

TURNS OUT (!),when you learn something, your brain will store it in 3 places based on the letters in the word, the sound of the word, and the meaning. The connection generally goes from the sound or letters to the meaning; but when you go from the meaning to the word itself, the brain has to do extra work.

The brain is an analytical machine, not an interpretive one, so starting with a meaning is hard to do (like writing a song around a title...not easy).

Back to Lion King, you know his name, but you keep saying, "I know it's not Jonathan Taylor Thomas..." over and over again...but the bad news is, the more you repeat this out loud or in your head, it actually strengthens the incorrect connection to Johnny and Mufasa, heretofore erasing Jimmy from the Mufasa voice.



I got it, "Johnathan Taylor Thomas!"

So, so alone...

Well, it seems, as you might have noticed on the good 'ol facebook, that everybody is doing this new thing that entails finding your celebrity look-a-like and using that pic on your profile so people can see how cool you are.

I finally gave in and decided to see who my doppelganger was going to be.

And after all this excitement of finding a good pic of my face and uploading it into the continuum transfuctioner and let the flux capacitors do their magic and science.

My result is nothing short of extraordinary: No match. I tried many different pic and even took new ones specifically for this and still nothing.

In the entire world, there is not one person that could pass for me. I am aesthetically alone. *le sigh* But, oh well...This proves that I am one and only and special. So eff you all.

Bahahahahahaha!!!!1!


Also, while we are on the subject of Facebook fads, try not to send me apps if you can help it. I hate them. I have hardly and and the only ones I have are completely customizable...STOP IT!




You will someday learn that this whole "internet" thing was just a fad.

I realize now that I'm an alcoholic...Let's dance!

I'm a drunk



They never let me sleep

Make me hold their problems

In my clumsy hands

I drop them and mix them up



Now this drunk has the shy man's problems

And only when nothing makes sense will

This common problem of problems

Undo this chaos



So then this drunk finally has he own demons

to himself, as if he asked

See them

Massaging his shoulders, telling him, "Sip more. Sip More!"

He loves the knives slicing his throat

Though his conscience leaves him at this fountain



He thinks it's pouring youth

So he drinks

If he only knew

He drink himself to death



"Have another glass of regret,"

The bartender politely offers

With his long black cape and sickle

"Don't you want to go where everybody knows your name?"

Cameron's Day Off; Screw Ferris.

Czech this out.

For my first post, I've decided to write about something that has come to my attention.

SO! As you all know, there is a movie called "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" in which a young man plays hookie from school and has a crazy day full of fancy lunches, huge parades and the occasional car through a window. He uses the age old excuse of, "I'm sick...*cough cough*" and the whole town rallies behind him, further pressing into our minds that everybody likes him.

He is accompanied by his sexy, yet sarcastic, girlfriend Sloan. Also, his best friend Cameron, about whom this whole shpiel (sp) is centered.

Cameron is an excitable, little dude, but he is very introverted and shy, whereas Ferris is everything he is not (i.e. outgoing, funny, popular, has a girlfriend, etc.)

I have always thought Cameron was nuts (Seen Here) but I am about to shit all over what you though this movie was.

Here goes:

The entire movie never happened!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

The most popular theory suggests that since Ferris is such a polar opposite of Cameron, he is not real. Cameron makes him so so he can live vicariously through him and get through his boring meaningless life. All of the shenanigans that Ferris does throughout the day could not go without reprimand or punishment, and yet he is never caught or even given a stern talking to.

Ferris even hijacks an ENTIRE PARADE without any repercussions...wtfuck?

Of course, this is only a theory. Oh, how cool would it be if the film makers just said it was.

Another movie that has an awesome theory is Star Wars (Chewy and R2-D2 are rebel spies...but that's another day)

Whelp......I will let this stew inside you guys....


Laters.
Miko